22 Comments
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Sarah Moorcroft's avatar

I know I don’t know you Sam, but can I just send up a little cheer for your bravery, courage, determination. Every step you take outside is a victory that only you could have won. I’m proud of you and what you are writing is precious to many people. One step at a time. I don’t suffer as you suffer, and can only apologise if what I have written has been intrusive and clumsy. You have inspired me, and I want to thank you for that x

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

Thank you so much Sarah. It’s lovely of you to reach out - and it helps.

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Ali Dolphin's avatar

That is so helpful Sam. Thank you.

All the medical advice is 'Get outside, do more exercise, don't drink. don't smoke, eat healthily, meditate'.

So when you do all those things and yet still have the demons visit then you feel so bloody inadequate.

Just hearing that someone else feels this way lifts an enormous weight. To twist a saying - a problem shared is a problem halved - well I honestly feel that you've halved my 'problem'.

Thank you for putting it so well and I wish you a speedy and lengthy return of the light.

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

Thanks Ali, I'm both happy and sad to hear of your familiarity with this situation... I'm glad my words resonated but sorry you've experienced the same. It's so hard when you're already doing 'all the right things' and you go under. Then someone says 'have you tried St John's Wort? and you feel like punching them (ha ha!)

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Ali Dolphin's avatar

So true - and don't start me on cold water swimming/immersion which I have been doing for years (in a gorgeous place) and whilst I like doing it it never 'sets me up for the day'!!

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

I've started doing it too, since I moved up here. I love it, but yes... agreed!

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Liz Freemont's avatar

A wonderfully lucid and vital piece Sam and hoping the light returns soon xx

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

Thank you Liz. I hope so too…

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Joanna Lawson's avatar

Thank you. I feel you.

As a therapist for nearly 40 years I have tricks, but like you, knowing them, even practising them thoroughly and vigorously doesn’t always do the trick.

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Depth Charge: Weekly Poetry's avatar

This brought tears to my eyes and made me feel seen. Thank you.

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

Thanks so much... I'm touched that it resonated with you...

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Depth Charge: Weekly Poetry's avatar

It really did—I’m on a similar journey. Your piece made me think of mine this one of mine: https://open.substack.com/pub/jodiproctor/p/spring-solace?r=3ym6r4&utm_medium=ios

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

Reach toward the light - lovely...

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Caroline Mellor's avatar

Oh this was wonderful, Sam, tender, heartfelt, true. Thank you for writing it

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

Thank you for reading, and commenting. It is reassuring - depression makes me fearful of making wrong moves and missteps.

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Caroline Mellor's avatar

Truly this is one of the best pieces of writing on depression I have come across. It is mightily brave and generous of you to share it. Go gently, and I will too.

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Wallis's avatar

Dear Sam, I hear and feel your pain and know this feeling all to well. I promise you it does get better and the only thing I found that helped was time and determination. Please keep taking that step outside as the darkness hates you moving and doing the opposite it demands and also remember you are never alone and that your continued fight will be worth it very soon. Take care. X

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

That’s so kind Mark, thanks. And I wish you continued light…

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Jimmy Measures's avatar

A beautiful piece of writing, Sam. Thank you for sharing this.

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

Thank you, Jimmy 🙏

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🌱🌸Katherine🌸🌱's avatar

A powerful piece of writing. Anyone suffering from depression knows all too well that sometimes it has no rhyme or reason and it feels like doing all the usual advised things doesn't help. But I always try to think how much worse it could be if you don't make the effort to drag yourself outside and keep going ... March is particularly tough time of the year for me when the body resources are depleted from long winter and the spring sunshine hasn't kicked in properly yet.

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Sam Pyrah's avatar

Thanks Katherine. As spring gathers strength, it does feel - a little bit, at least - that I am doing the same. Hope you are too…

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